sunday 17 june 02001 3:19am
chapter seven: home again, home again

there was lying in bed, but i could not sleep.

i was in the sky today

i was in the sky today and the clouds were around me, like...

in the place where my grandparents live, there are many deer. nearing dusk we saw nine at the pond, then ten. the clouds have stillness majesty fleetness like the deer. like watching the deer i felt in clouds both that i was interrupting, overstepping my place, and that it was impossible for me to do so. saying that being in the clouds is like being in music is trite. it is sad when the language for a meaning falls short of the meaning itself, when we try to so hard to say being that we wear the words out. but it was like that. vast and alive. symphonic.

the clouds are vast and silent entities. i was up there.

ineffable is a word that i am fond of. ineffable.

when the sun set it was not at the edge of the land that i saw it, but at a point in sky, mountain ranges of clouds and fire.

i was in the sky today. does my body know that a few hours ago it was going five hundred miles an hour? is that why it will not rest? or is it that where i was this morning, it is morning again, even though where i am now, the sun is not and we call that night?

or the thoughts. doubts and details bubbling in the mind. having been away, the habits of this place settle around me like a cloak. like birds on the wire after the winds dies down. wanting to burn it all. to live free of habit and pattern and every tie.

i tried holding jim. having jim hold me.

tried "om mataji, jaya mataji, sri mataji jaya om..."<

i considered the magic wand.

i decided to write.