monday 29 may 02006 8:58am
if i die

The Sun. May 2006, Issue 365. page 47:

After undergoing surgery, G. wrote, "Were we always aware of our mortality, nothing would get done, because we'd be looking into each other's eyes and saying 'I love you' all the time".

Valerie's letter from V for Vendetta:

I don't know who you are. Or whether you're a man or a woman. I may never see you or cry with you or get drunk with you. But I love you. I hope that you escape this place. I hope that the world turns and that things get better, and one day people have roses again. I wish I could kiss you.

Bhagavan Das:

It is good to remember god every moment. If you cannot remember god, remember death. Because death will take you there.

me:

on my wrist is tattooed a small feather. for death. for india, who went first. to remind me that in the face of death, laundry and money do not matter. only love matters. the feather says: be light, little one. live lightly.

i thought that i should write a letter. i thought i would hand it to leah before surgery and ask her to keep it in her pocket until i came out of the operating room; only to give it to james to open if the worst came about. then i thought that the letter had to be to her, too. then i thought i better write to everyone.

i'm not going to fuss over this for hours. i'm going to say it quickly, and then i'm going to water the plants. something like this:

beloved, i am not gone. we cannot be parted.

i am your breath, your heart, i am you. you are me.

do not make a monument to me and close your heart. make our love a foundation to stand upon, and go higher. love more. your love does not betray me; it expands me. there is only one of us, and it is all of us. love us.

every moment of this life is a blessing. thank you. oh, thank you.

there is only life.

i am right here.

forever.