beloved. tag:www.beloved.org,2009-05-02:/3 2010-01-30T00:27:17Z Movable Type Pro 4.25 thank you note for a kindess done in dreaming tag:www.beloved.org,2010://3.254 2010-01-30T00:14:10Z 2010-01-30T00:27:17Z hello jon. last night in my dreaming, we were in a livingroom. there were rooms upstairs. i think you lived there, and maybe me. you remembered suddenly that you had something for me. you were a little sheepish about the... kristie dahlia home http://beloved.org hello jon.

last night in my dreaming, we were in a livingroom. there were rooms upstairs. i think you lived there, and maybe me. you remembered suddenly that you had something for me. you were a little sheepish about the fact that you'd had it for a long time -- one summer between semesters of college (which for me is twenty years ago) my then-best-friend had given you a letter for me.

you still had it, and you gave it to me last night. i held it in my hands. i saw india's handwriting on the outside and i could see her handwriting through the envelope. letters have always been precious between us; we met as young poets. new words from her, a physical manifestation of her/our love, five years after her death. i was sobbing and shaking, overcome with joy.

i woke before opening the envelope, but with no disappointment. my waking face was also wet with tears of joy. i don't understand what the universe is but i feel so surely that she tried to reach me, that she did reach me, and i am so happy for that.

i don't know why you were the messenger for this in my dream; while i hold you in the highest regard and think fondly of you, we certainly don't know one another well. but you did me a tremendous good last night on the dream plane

so here are my thanks

and my love.

kristie

]]> in our bed tag:www.beloved.org,2010://3.253 2010-01-25T16:00:13Z 2010-01-25T16:00:29Z pressed close in the night your leg was forward where my leg was forward and your leg was back where mine was back and it was like we were one thing running through dreaming.... kristie dahlia home http://beloved.org pressed close in the night your leg was forward where my leg was forward and your leg was back where mine was back and it was like we were one thing running through dreaming.

]]> on the temple floor tag:www.beloved.org,2009://3.247 2009-12-12T15:25:04Z 2009-12-12T15:26:48Z on the night of the winter day that my body turned forty i lay down in my temple room and slept like a child in my coat on the floor surrounded by roses.... kristie dahlia home http://beloved.org on the night
of the winter day
that my body turned forty
i lay down in my temple room
and slept like a child
in my coat
on the floor
surrounded by roses.

]]> letter from chaya, 2 days after the knife tag:www.beloved.org,2009://3.238 2009-08-13T00:23:59Z 2009-08-17T17:37:31Z in my dream this morning, you were turning cartwheels. your incisions came open as you inverted, and a bright white light shone out of them. when you were back upright, you giggled and then gently pulled your skin back into... kristie dahlia home http://beloved.org in my dream this morning, you were turning cartwheels. your incisions came open as you inverted, and a bright white light shone out of them. when you were back upright, you giggled and then gently pulled your skin back into place and the incisions knitted themselves back into place. you did this over and over, giggling every time you had to put yourself back together. someone else in the room found the whole process disturbing, so you decided to ease their distress by putting a large white bandage over your abdomen that had a generic label on it in black helvetica bold which said "bandage." you found this profoundly hilarious.

i love you.

chaya

]]> letter to/from my sister tag:www.beloved.org,2009://3.237 2009-08-09T04:38:44Z 2009-08-17T17:35:19Z From: Kristie To: Karin Sent: Saturday, August 8, 2009 12:19:56 PM Subject: big/small 1. will you call dad, jason, and the grammas after jim calls you monday to say i woke up? 2. you are the alternate on my living... kristie dahlia home http://beloved.org From: Kristie
To: Karin
Sent: Saturday, August 8, 2009 12:19:56 PM
Subject: big/small

1. will you call dad, jason, and the grammas after jim calls you monday to say i woke up?

2. you are the alternate on my living will. james is first. i do not want to be kept alive in a coma for a substantial time. i do not want to be kept alive on feeding machines in a hospital for a substantial time. life for me includes earth and trees, being able to communicate with other people, and having thoughts. i think you understand. i don't want to be part of the person that i am. i do not want to die, but i am willing to die when the time is right. if i were a dog and you'd put them down if they were like that, let me go.

love,
k

From: Karin
Subject: Re: big/small
Date: August 8, 2009 10:40:15 AM PDT
To: Kristie

Hey Kristie,

1.Thought I'd answered you. Of course I will make the calls.

2. Ditto.

xoxox
K

]]> at the altar tag:www.beloved.org,2009://3.232 2009-03-15T14:33:14Z 2009-05-10T10:20:17Z kneeling at the altar to kiss the face of god good morning i remember burning sage last night in dream and reach for the matches.... kristie dahlia home http://beloved.org kneeling at the altar
to kiss the face of god
good morning
i remember burning sage last night in dream
and reach for the matches.

]]> in the orchard beside the temple path tag:www.beloved.org,2009://3.231 2009-01-08T17:45:29Z 2009-05-02T17:24:14Z picking a lemon i kissed on the tree yesterday.... kristie dahlia home http://beloved.org picking a lemon
i kissed on the tree
yesterday.

]]> on the kitchen table tag:www.beloved.org,2008://3.230 2008-12-25T20:45:37Z 2009-05-02T17:24:13Z the little cat smells like butter the popcorn bowl is clean.... kristie dahlia home http://beloved.org the little cat
smells like butter
the popcorn bowl
is clean.

]]> on the kitchen table tag:www.beloved.org,2008://3.229 2008-12-20T22:15:41Z 2009-05-02T17:24:13Z the little cat has been pressing her face into blossoms, her white fur stained with pollen.... kristie dahlia home http://beloved.org the little cat has been pressing her face
into blossoms, her white fur
stained with pollen.

]]> hardly strictly bluegrass festival, golden gate park tag:www.beloved.org,2008://3.228 2008-10-05T20:09:37Z 2009-05-02T17:24:13Z it's like being a fish in the stream, walking up the festival path. a man coming from where i am going is talking on the phone. something is written on the other arm. "hey!" i say and lift my left... kristie dahlia home http://beloved.org it's like being a fish in the stream, walking up the festival path. a man coming from where i am going is talking on the phone. something is written on the other arm.

"hey!" i say and lift my left forearm, which, like his, is tattooed with the word ONE. he keeps walking toward me, keeps talking to the person on the phone, lifts his free arm, too. i duck under it and we embrace. the crowd swims around us for a moment on the sunny path.

we let go and keep on walking. he calls back over his shoulder "enjoy the day."

]]> in his room tag:www.beloved.org,2008://3.227 2008-08-03T00:07:10Z 2009-05-02T17:24:13Z tenderly washing the leaves of the philodendron like children's faces.... kristie dahlia home http://beloved.org tenderly washing the leaves of the philodendron
like children's faces.

]]> tag:www.beloved.org,2008://3.226 2008-07-30T16:27:41Z 2009-05-02T17:24:13Z walking downtown to the morning's first class i find the back of your arm and nape of neck in the man crossing the street in front of me.... kristie dahlia home http://beloved.org walking downtown to the morning's first class i find the back of your arm and nape of neck in the man crossing the street in front of me.

]]> in the palm of my hand, split by a knife tag:www.beloved.org,2008://3.225 2008-07-03T15:40:28Z 2009-05-02T17:24:13Z and then there are apricots. the glory of an apricot in the morning is worth facing the entire world for.... kristie dahlia home http://beloved.org and then there are apricots.

the glory of an apricot in the morning is worth facing the entire world for.

]]> walking up hartford tag:www.beloved.org,2008://3.224 2008-07-01T21:12:05Z 2009-05-02T17:24:13Z walking up the hill to the place where i live i write six lines in my head: weeping, i wonder how it is that we are all so brave as to get up again every day? an hour ago, the... kristie dahlia home http://beloved.org walking up the hill
to the place where i live
i write six lines in my head:
weeping, i wonder
how it is
that we are all so brave
as to get up
again
every day?

an hour ago, the doctor's hand
on my shoulder, the pursed smile of empathy
(my doctor has what i have)
and she says:
you're just riding the wave.
walking up the hill
belly convulses with weeping
presses against the lumps inside
and pain shines through.

near the top of the hill i see him again
on the next corner.
for weeks now i see him
in the bodies of people still living.
this time i wonder why?
why so often lately?
and another part of my mind gives the answer:
it was this week.
how many years ago now? three.
three years.
does his spirit come then
or does some clock inside me know?

top of the hill
inside the house
the peonies i have been watching
unfurl and shine
have begun to fall open
dying on my altar.

how do we get up? how? how does anyone ever
become so brave? and having done so, how is it
that we can ever close our eyes again?

]]> dreaming at the end of the world tag:www.beloved.org,2008://3.223 2008-06-23T14:53:06Z 2009-05-02T17:24:13Z first waking, early, groggy. i had to go back. never felt this before but "i can't just leave them like that," i thought, and i lay back to sleep and indeed did go there again. "them" isn't quite right, either;... kristie dahlia home http://beloved.org first waking, early, groggy. i had to go back. never felt this before but "i can't just leave them like that," i thought, and i lay back to sleep and indeed did go there again. "them" isn't quite right, either; i was them there, both of them and everyone, but i only knew that at the groggy first waking, and remember now knowing it then. i can't feel it now.

it wasn't a lucid dream per se. it wasn't that i knew what i was there to do. but when i headed toward waking the second time they were safe there past the end of the world, she with her belly big, trying to make the future. they had a plan now, and something to eat. transitioning back to waking i wondered "but how will i get all of my shoes back to the waking plane?"

they seem to be here just fine.

]]>